Sorry not Sorry

Stop apologizing.
It makes you look less confident and more unsure.
Not to mention it is so annoying.
myself included.
Think about what you're going to say before you say it and stick with that choice. You can explain it further if it doesn't come out right but stop apologizing about everything. It doesn't look good on you.
Think about it as an outsider hearing that constantly.
 It's annoying isn't it?

I do it too. When someone bumps into me I apologize and then I am like wait a minute I don't need to apologize. It was not even my fault. Get it together!!!
It happens automatically.
Without giving it much thought we apologize. Why? Because we're nice. We're good people. We think it's necessary.

Have you noticed women apologize much more easily and more often than men?
If it doesn't make a difference or isn't going to then don't say it.

Try to go an entire day without apologizing and see if it makes a difference for you.
I have to constantly remind myself because it's difficult to break a habit but it can be done.

When you should apologize:
1.When you forget your child at school
2. When you can't remember your significant others birthday or your anniversary
3. When you forget to turn in an assignment at work or at school
4. When you're late
5. When you say something offensive or racist.
6. When you're rude to someone who doesn't deserve it.

Assess the situation. Does it need an apology?
Don't bother apologizing if it isn't genuine. People can see right through that.

Check out this video ---> You sound ridiculous

Growing old

Click here---->  Growing old video

If you haven't seen this video then you need to stop what you're doing and watch it. It's the best.

It made me wonder who my husband will be one day and if he'll look at me and tell me I look beautiful at every age... or that I am miserable like a grumpy, bald hag. Let's hope it's never the latter.

Being in love is an incredible high and being able to stand next to the same person for decades and support them through ups and downs is even more incredible.
 I didn't say it would be easy and I am sure the journey is fun, exhausting, infuriating, and wonderful.
Kids, homes, jobs, holidays, and birthdays...you'll never spend them alone.
Someone will always be there to hand you a tissue, run and pick up the flu meds, and skip awful things you don't want to attend.
You will always have someone who gets the inside jokes and is frustrated by all the same people.
Someone who will lift you up when you've fallen(and can't get up...you know you thought it), and celebrate you when when you're on top of the world.
They'll know what to say to make you laugh and they'll know your favorite food, movie, and candies.
They make you a lot smarter and nicer and make you achieve goals you never thought possible.  That's just what love is - a chemistry of gains and losses. Biology of the make-up of the head and the heart. A science that makes total sense and no sense at all.
All I know is I can't wait to grow old and fight with my old person cane, race with my wheel chair, and hide my husband's toupee. It's all going to be a blast I know it.

This video made me visualize how wonderful getting old must be with someone you love. To hold someone's hand at 30 and still hold the same hand at 80.
It's a journey I can't wait to embark on one day. I feel like instead of a big, expensive and  big wedding, I would rather have a video like this. It would be so special to experience it with my future husband.

 Love is everything- a common experience shared by so millions around the world. How incredible is that?

compassion and empathy

Are these the same things?

This past weekend, I had the pleasure of seeing Assistant director Timothy Harrison speak on behalf of Emory University's Emory-Tibet partnership. I also spoke with assistant director Carol Beck regarding Emory-Tibet partnership's thoughts on if compassion and empathy were the same or similar.

She explained that while they are similar they are not the same (like the sizes of two boobs on the same person - -looks like the sizes are the same but we know they're not -mind you she didn't say that. It was my own clever comparison).

With compassion it is not only that you feel pain or sadness for someone else but in addition you want to take action and actively relieve their suffering. While you can't go and personally dig someone out of the Nepal earthquake rubble, you can donate funds and do your best for the situation if the reality presents itself.

While empathy is feeling for a person's suffering and are sorry.

Which would you want? compassion or empathy?

 Now that I am more aware of the difference I would have to go with compassion. Sometimes you can feel bad for someone in the hospital or a family that lost their home in a disaster,  but that is not doing actively anything for anyone. Did you go visit them? Talk to them? Help them?

Definitely something  to think about.

Recently there were multiple tornados in OKC (shocking) and a family lost almost everything. My friends, Katie Camp and Erica Fernandez, didn't just have empathy but they showed compassion by creating a tornado relief fund to actively help this family.

Next time if you're wondering if you've done enough by showing empathy ask yourself which you would want.

Even as modern scientific research demonstrates the wide-ranging benefits attributable to qualities such as mindfulness, love, forgiveness, and compassion, the Tibetan science of mind offers time-tested techniques for effectively developing and strengthening these attributes. By creating bridges between these two bodies of knowledge, the Emory-Tibet Partnership facilitates an education of both heart and mind. 

- Geshe Lobsang Tenzin Negi, Director

If you want to learn more about the Emory-Tibet partnership go HERE.

If you would like to be an awesome human and donate monetary funds to the family caught in the path of a tornado you can do so HERE.

Growth mindset vs. Fixed mindset

 A growth mindset allows you to believe that challenges can be overcome as skills are developed and learned. A fixed mindset allows you to think that your skills and intelligence are fixed. What do you think? Does hard work and dedication really allow you to be successful? Which one are you?

I grew up with goals of "I need to get the All A's award" to be successful. I needed that praise and validation to feel intelligent. If I didn't get something right away I would give up because I thought I was too stupid to get it. Too behind. It wasn't until I was a teacher myself telling my students it was alright that they couldn't read that book yet because they would by the end of the year.

This fixed mindset really made my life more difficult and I became fearful of school instead of seeing a subject as something I could improve in, get better at, and enjoy I because afraid. It was a mindset that was holding me back. I was wasting my life and my time feeling like a failure. School would make my stomach hurt and tests would make my head spin. The anxiety followed me throughout my career in school and made me constantly unhappy and stressed.

 I picked things I knew I would be good at and successful in. Never something out of my comfort zone that would challenge me. That will always be something I regret. I vowed never to put any pressure on my own kids when it came to school. It took me a long time to build up my confidence in academia and even longer to convince myself I wasn't stupid and failure wasn't a death sentence. Now I feel like I've slowly made it there. I am not afraid to say I don't understand or ask questions. I am not afraid to try something new and try again if I fail. I am not afraid to ask someone to show me how.

Our minds are constantly assessing situations. "Well If I couldn't get that then I must be dumb",  " I am never gonna be as good as that person", "I am going to lose that game too so I might as well sit out". Well, can you do anything to change the situation? Can you work harder? Study smarter? Be kinder? Try again? Don't you think there is a reason we learn grammar year after year in school? Or try the mathematic skill again from someone else? It's because not very many people become experts after the first time they learn it. We need 18+ years of practice and decades in our fields to become good at our skill.

If you've experienced these struggles it's not too late to give it another shot. It doesn't matter how old you are when you realize it's time for a change.

Watch the first one by Carol Dweck (<<--link p="">
...and read this. I would recommend it to anyone and maybe feel it should be mandatory reading in school!

My Mother

Alright mom this post is for you so enjoy it because I don't know if you'll get another one. 

This post is for you because you always know
the right things to do
you choose to be kind when others don't 
You always believe things will get better
you don't get angry when we expect you to blow your cap
You ask me to go for walks because you can tell I am about to break down 
You'll put down the shirt you want so I can get something instead
You choose to believe the very best in people
You don't drive like Dad
Somehow you're always happy
You love us all so unconditionally
You look at me like I mean the world to you
You're constantly selfless
You make the yummiest food
Somehow you never get tired
You never run out of love
I am so thankful for you and your horrible singing and decent kitchen booty dancing :) Keepin it classy mama.Happy Mother's Day!! You're the bomb digitty

It's all OK in the Wild Wild West

Senior year of college I remember so clearly opening my acceptance e-mail for Teach For America and seeing Oklahoma City. I was so ecstatic that I was accepted into the program I wan't even mad about being placed in Oklahoma. What will you do there people asked. Are you nervous? I didn't know anything but I was 22 and open to all adventures so I packed my bags and moved. Looking back I am so glad I did and I am even more glad I put Oklahoma as a destination I was wiling to move to. If not now then when?

Even now when I tell people I lived there for two years the reaction is usually the same. What do they have there? Tumbleweeds and tornados? Quite the contrary. I admit the first 6 months were miserable. I missed my friends and my family here in Atlanta and I was failing miserably as a teacher in a horrible school with a principle that didn't seem to like me or Teach For America. I would come home from school and not want to speak to anyone, I shut myself out from the world, and my solace was going to the movies alone to watch something in peace and quiet without having to converse with anyone. I just wanted to go home. Fast.

In the spring I was determined to turn things around for myself and I started making friends and doing activities out of my comfort zone. Thankfully I had wonderful roommates who made it fun. The whole Oklahoma cohort was small enough that we all knew each other and were all friends. That was the best part about Oklahoma. The people were extremely nice and friendly and OKC was small enough that you could attend all the cities' activities and see familiar faces at events. My roommate Skyler introduced me to her family in Ponca and they didn't hesitate to take me in and make me feel right at home. I was feeling less homesick and more like I'd found my second family.
The day the May 20th tornado hit just a few blocks from our house the whole cohort came together to volunteer and help the neighbors whose home and belongings were in disarray. The hearts of Oklahomans are big and the hearts of the friends I got to know are even bigger and I am proud to know them. Okc has a lovely small town charm that you can't help but fall in love with.

Don't even get me started on the food. If you knew where to eat you'd never come back. The food was nothing short of exceptional and the city always had new restaurants as it was constantly expanding.

Would I do it again?
Absolutely.
Moving to a new city alone without knowing anyone or anything was scary but exhilarating at the same time. I grew as a person and learned so much about myself and now I have a state all to myself that most people don't know much about or how awesome it really is.
I think putting yourself out of your comfort zone is necessary in your 20s. In fact it should be mandatory.

Worry vs. God....who wins?

WARNING: This is a very personal post about GOD so in order to avoid offending anyone I am warning you to skip over this if you don't want to hear about it  :)

I am sure we all worry. It might as well be my full time job. I went to church with a friend today not because I am converting but It's my personal belief that going to another place of worship is never a sin. Who says you have to pick one? Just be a good person. Most people can't even handle that.

My elementary school teacher at my own place of worship explained it in a way that stuck with me. Imagine that you're Ismaili, hindu, christian, Buddhist, the list goes on. We're all going up a mountain but we're all heading up to the top different ways. We will all make it to the top but we're all going to take different routes. some routes may take longer than others but we can all get there. Not picking religions or just picking one is not sinful or wrong to me and this is where most disagree and that's just fine. You have the freedom to decide what makes our hearts happy and what makes us feel whole.

Back to the point. We all worry. I worry way too much and today I really connected with the way it was explained so I thought I would share and help someone else worry a bit less. The problem with constantly worrying is it's all in the future so you can't do anything about it anyways. You're going to drive people crazy but you won't change anything.  The first thing I thought about was people who don't have enough food, clothing, education etc. But the only thing I can say about that is that is where we come in and the very many good hearted people in this world who think of others and provide food and other necessities.

That is why God gave us so many great things so that we could share them with others. You must be thinking "well my life is the worst right now and I could tell you for DAYS all of the stuff that is going wrong."Yup. I don't disagree but try to relabel the worry with tomorrow because it's not here.We still worry.

We just don't have enough faith for it to be solved or for the situation to teach us an important lesson. Even I was like "are you kidding this is happening NOW.So what am I supposed to do?" Just pause to be thankful for what you have because you have a lot. Body parts, parents, school or maybe you have other things you're thankful for...just think about it. Harder. immediately I thought "well there are so many times where I didn't feel like God came through for me and I felt screwed over." What about that?" Well, ask yourself if you would ask WORRY for help and worry to guide your relationship or worry about getting that job. What would you say? Ummmmm no way. I personally am choosing to have faith in God. The whole time I was there the best thing that was said was when you start to worry STOP and pray for someone else. I can do that.

Watch here if you're curious :)

Another list

Here's the things i love about writing:Just about anyone can do it. Everyone has the freedom to publish themselves via a blog or books that are self printed. One of the many things I love about living in America.

If you haven't noticed by now I like lists.


Things I DON'T hate

1. Flowers and butterflies
2. Meeting new people
3. Road trips
4. Good music
5. Writing
6. Reading
7. Learning
8. Being brave and people who are brave too.
9. Being in love
10. holding hands
11. Candles
12. bubble baths
11. Lots of other stuff because I know there is a lot more to love. I can't remember it all right now but it feels good to remember all things good and bad.


Things I HATE/am afraid of                              
                                                           
1. Being miserable/sad
2. Being attacked
3. Losing someone I love
4. Screwing everything (I love) up
5. Not being anything
6. Bad friends
7. Seeing other people sad

Take a Hike

Saturday night and I am choosing to veg out on my bed, eat popcorn, and watch Wild. I can't say I am brave or strong enough to hike the Pacific Crest Trail but i am hoping watching a movie about it and reading the book will teach me all that I need to know. The method has always worked in the past.

I had quite a few feelings watching this movie.
1. Hm should I hike something? It might be good for me...Maybe the Camino de Santiago. Honestly, if i've learned anything i know that nothing is beautiful when you have no one to share the view with.
2. I need to approach my life with intention and purpose so I don't end up lost,confused, and frustrated.
3. I want to go to the beach. Preferably Seaside.
4. I wonder if i hitchhiked would people pick me up or just drive by? Am i the type of person someone would stop for?
5. I don't know how much I like this movie. I mean I am not a movie critic or anything but I watch what I like and this movie makes me feel weird things.
6. I think I would quit this hike the first day. Or maybe not. who knows but I like to think I am not a quitter so let's pretend I would finish.

30 BEFORE 30

one of my friends challenged all of us to make a 30 before 30 list and I thought it was a great idea so here's what I came up with! I think everyone should try to make one.

Work and Career
1. Take the GRE/GMAT and do well on it
2. Get an MBA from one of my top 5 choice schools
3. Get a job with an organization whose mission I support 100%
4. Write a teen novel
5. Get a big promotion

Health
1. Learn how to cook
2. Cook at least 5 times a week and eat super healthy (done and done)
3. Go to the gym at least 4 times a week (5 times a week. winning)
4. Learn how to use a juicer
5. Learn how to bake 5 new things (pie, puppy chow, gourmet sandwich, 4 ??,5 ??)

Life Skills
1. Learn how to play golf and tennis
2. Learn how to use photoshop
3. Learn how to speak Spanish...eh maybe just get better at french
4. Decorate a home and make it look like something from a magazine/HGTV
5. Become a whiz on Excel

Relational Goals 
1. Get married
2. Speak my mind more often and stand firm in my beliefs (done)
3. Learn to pick my battles and remember that being happy is a choice
4. Start conversations more often and make new friends constantly

Travel Goals
1. Travel around Europe (PARIS,AUSTRIA,GERMANY,CROATIA, &SPAIN)
2. Stay in a treehouse overnight
3. See the Great Wall of China
4. Visit Australia
5. Travel around Ireland

Miscellaneous
1. Find God where he's hiding
2. Volunteer more regularly
3. Build something
4. Finish crocheting that blanket. (done)
5. Go camping
6. Learn more about the stock market and invest in stocks

The journey of the hospital

TO DO: I need you to remember to be kind to people before you judge their circumstances

        If you have gone through life so far without facing the hospital then you're in excellent shape. This is where you take a moment and hashtag BLESSED.You look around and sometimes all you can see is cancer, hair loss,all kinds of diseases and the list goes on. I want you to know that these people who face any life-changing situations are incredibly positive, kind, and strong. These  people usually ask " what am I supposed to learn from this?"in these circumstances and not " why is this happening to me?" However asking both questions is normal but the first one is more common after a couple of months of realizing the crappy card you're dealt.
     
       You see two types of sick people. People who face their fears, sickness, and sorrows and move on to more special things in life like a career, kids, getting married. Then you have people who want to be grieved and there is nothing wrong with that. It's just dealt with differently. Ask these people if they're okay emotionally because that question doesn't get asked as much as it should. The physical pain varies from day to day but the emotional scars run deeper. Anyone, sick/hurting or not could use that question instead of hearing are you okay.

Remember it is easy to stick by someone when they're happy and nice and beautiful but when they get fat/chubby,looks change,energy withers, and just sick looking, the people who sit next to you are the ones you want to keep around day in and out.

REMEMBER: It WILL get better and it WILL make you stronger. You might be saying this is way easier said then done. You're 100% right about that but maybe you can help someone else understand  how disheartening facing a health issue can be and how emotionally draining it can feel.

          WHAT YOU CAN DO TO HELP:

1.       Volunteer
2.       Take the snack cart around to patients
3.       Visit patients and listen to their stories. you'll be surprised.
4.       Host a fundraiser

           

10 ways to get rid of the blues

Oh my god. I swear some days I feel like I am aging faster then I can say my full name. By the time I publish this post I might have 10  wrinkles and white hairs. Some days I feel like i drank WAY too many cups of coffee and some days I want to cry thinking about leaving my bed. Please tell me I am not alone in this miserable reality.If you're seriously feeling down in dumps then keep reading and do at least ONE of these 10 options to lift your mood. 

I am going to pretend it is normal. We're not all Hercules.

1. Take a bath (lots of lavender bubbles).

 2. Walk around Target

3. Go to the gym.

4. Buy/make someone a present (giving something to someone will make you happier than receiving something so feel free to mail me something cute ;).

5. Clean and/or redecorate (your room,car, house, apartment etc). Cleaning will take your mind off of things and remove the clutter in your mind. Trust me there is a correlation.

6. Learn something new. Devoting yourself to a project will take your mind off of things and make yourself feel accomplished. Freshman year of college I signed up for a Pottery class by myself and off campus with a bunch of moms and I met so many new people and learned how to make pottery!
things to do:meetup, course horse, online classes at coursera, khan academy, and , youtube, & Pinterest to name a few.

7. Send snail mail. Think of someone who would receive a letter and smile. This could be a friend,a SO,parents, cousins etc. It feels good to feel good.Everyone wants to know they're thought about and it doesn't take long or cost much. By the way you can mail bouncy balls - the ones you find at the  dollar tree and in your garage.

8.Watch a show that makes you laugh. Laughing is good for the soul and  it doesn't matter who you are and how old you are. The Office and Parks and Rec are my all time favorites!

9. Volunteer. somewhere. anywhere. Why? because it feels good to feel good. We went over this.

(Volunteer at: local food kitchens, low income schools, red cross, Volunteer in you city, hospitals etc)

10. Read.  A book, a magazine, A billboard. Ok not that last one because that's LAZY but you get the point. Books give you adventure, romance, action and history.They can make you forget your problems and fixate on someone else's life.